Detailed Instructions

At about ten weeks or so, after hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time, M. picked up The Girlfriends' Guide To Pregnancy, Or Everything Your Doctor Won't Tell You.  From what I understand, this isn't the usual pregnancy book.  We were warned away from those by the doctor who said that the only thing they were good for was scaring the crap out of you by talking about everything that could possibly go wrong, regardless of how remote.  By contrast, the GG is written from the perspective of a woman who has been through the whole thing before and is talking with a younger girlfriend about what she can expect.  I've read more than a few pages myself and have found it both amusing and informative.

Last night in bed I picked it up and randomly turned to the chapter entitled "What to Take to the Hospital."  The last two sentences had me fully laughing out loud.

In addition to yourself, you will need to bring a suitcase to the hospital.  Unless your baby comes very, or you are still having trouble accepting the fact that you are, indeed, pregnant, you will have a bag packed and ready long before you go into labor.  If, however, you need to go to the hospital and your bag isn't packed, JUST GO.  Do not worry, because there is nothing you will really need until after the baby is born.  In the relative calm after the baby is born, you can ask someone, preferably not your husband, to pack a bag for you and bring it to the hospital.  If it absolutely must be your husband who packs your bag, give him a written list specifically itemizing every single article you want.  If you just give him general instructions like, "Bring me something to wear home from the hospital and some things for a shower," there is a very good chance that you will be given a cocktail dress, tennis shoes, a shaver and shaving cream.

As much as I hate to say it, I can unfortunately relate to the proto-husband described here.  Case in point - one day in the not-so-distant past when M. asked me to pick up a few things at the grocery store.

I was raised in a "whole milk" household and can't recall ever seeing anything labeled "non-fat," "low-fat," or "fat-free" during 18 years of familial cohabitation.  As a matter of fact, to this day I retain the bias that "non-fat" really means "non-taste".  So when M. asked for low-fat yogurt and low-fat Triscuits, my mind naturally ignored the fat content part and I brought home "regular" versions of both items.  Now here's the part where I tell you that I had been given an actual, physical, grocery list specifically requesting and detailing such low-fat items.

I should probably have M. pack that hospital bag sooner than later.

Comments

[GCCT]

This child should be an interesting mix of Type A, whole milk drinking, cheesesteak/hoagie/cheese fries-eating, jay-walking East Coast and laid back, peace-loving, tofu/sprout/mayo-on-fries-eating, wait for the light to change before crossing West Coast. I see a possible nature vs. nurture arguement, perhaps experiment, coming up. Maybe you should move to the mid-west and see what happens there?

[Aunt Claire]

And they said it would never happen. Me, your favorite low-tech Aunt Claire posting on a "blog". Only for you and "M" would I take up this challenge! I enjoy reading the comments on the blog and will again post whenever I am at Aunt Ginnys. (BucknRita is one of her screen names). Hope all is going OK with all three of you. You need to print this out and frame it just in case I become a one time blog poster!

[Buck]

The next thing you know, Aunt Claire will end up becoming the Mad Commentor. No site will be safe from her quips!